It’s important to write down our thoughts. We forget too easily the sparks of inspiration or joy. We block out the deep and sometimes painful inner workings of struggles. So, we write. We take pictures. We share. All serve as reminders of what we have experienced. What we have learned. Otherwise, we’d forget. This is the start of a collection of my Thoughts on Motherhood.
MY WHY
Throughout my first year of being a mother, I spent quite a bit of time alone with my little girl. While my husband was at school and my daughter was asleep, playing, or in the stroller on our walks, I had a lot of quiet time to think.
To be honest, at the beginning I was struggling. Big time. Between the sleep deprivation, hormone roller coaster, and figuring out breastfeeding… Well, I just don’t like to think a lot about how I felt those first few months of motherhood.
In short, I felt empty and void of emotion. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling (or not feeling) to anyone, not even my husband. So, after two months of trying to trudge through it on my own, I finally got the courage to seek help from my doctor.
After taking a questionnaire and talking with my nurse practitioner, she said I was dealing with postpartum depression. I balled. The big, hyperventilating kind of tears. It was the first time I had cried since the labor and delivery.
So, we made a plan to combat it and I left the doctor’s office.
WHY WRITING
Part of my plan to get back to a healthier place was to write. I’ve always loved to write. I find it therapeutic to get my thoughts down and create something worth reading.
So, I started to jot down my thoughts.
Many thoughts I felt were directly for me from God. Sparks of inspiration about motherhood. Other thoughts were of the inner and outward struggles I was facing as a new mom.
Sometimes I didn’t know how I felt about something until I started to write. Then, things would start to unravel. More thoughts would come. As I wrote, I could more fully express my feelings. I’ve never felt like a great oral communicator, but with writing, things make sense.
Writing these thoughts down has helped me to not forget those tough and joyful moments. I can now look back and see how far I have come.
Writing is one of the ways God communicates with me most often, which is partially why I try to write things down so often. It’s important to record those sparks of inspiration.
“I believe that you can leave the most precious, personal direction of the Spirit unheard because you do not respond to, record, and apply the first promptings that come to you.”
Richard G Scott, To Acquire Spiritual Guidance,
As I wrote, I had a realization. I can not be the only mom who has had these thoughts, struggles, desires, pains, and joys. I also want my children to be able to read about my experience raising them so they know they are not alone when they raise children of their own.
But mostly, I didn’t want to forget my thoughts on motherhood as a first time, second time, third time (you get the point) mom.
Who knows how many kids we will have, but I know each phase of motherhood is going to stretch me. I want to be able to see and record that growth.
THOUGHTS ON MOTHERHOOD SERIES
This Thoughts on Motherhood series is for mostly me, but I hope you’ll learn, grow, and share your thoughts on motherhood with me. I’m excited for this is other side of the Med School Wife blog.
My goal is to share monthly thoughts on motherhood. Some in the form of letters, others in the form of short stories, hard challenges, lessons learned, or the sparks of joy.
Because even though this sacred calling can be SO HARD…I believe motherhood can be joyful.
So, let’s find the joy!
Tell me, where do you find joy in your motherhood? Share in the comments below!
