We survived year one of medical school! Blade is officially a second year med student! He completed and rocked first year at the Mayo Clinic Alix School of Medicine. WE completed and rocked first year! Here are a few things I learned during Year One as a Med School Wife.
YEAR ONE RECAP
Year one wasn’t as hard as I thought med school would be. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely challenging and there were some bumps along the way, but we learned so much and grew closer together.
I think I came to med school with the idea that I was never going to see Blade.
Not true.
Some days I went 13 hours of not seeing him, other days just 6 hours. The days where he left before Hazel was awake and came home after she went to bed were especially long. That’s pretty normal in the life of a med school wife.
Some blocks were more demanding than others. The anatomy/embryology/radiology and micro biology/pharmacology blocks were by far the hardest. I think I can count on one hand the number of times we went to bed together during those blocks. I hated going to bed alone. Thank goodness for our dog Tucker who kept me company!
Other blocks were more flexible. The selective weeks that Mayo implements into their program adds some variety for everyone. Sometimes we were able to exercise together in the afternoons. More often times than not, we got to watch a Netflix show or two before he needed to study again in the evenings.
I’ll admit, the beginning of each block was rough. Especially after selective weeks like this one when we saw more of Blade. I would go through phases of thinking I couldn’t handle it. Times where I could really feel it taking a toll on me and on Blade. But then, we’d get into a groove and figure out a schedule that worked for us. Being flexible and open in communication was key.
THREE THINGS TO THRIVE AS A MED SCHOOL WIFE
Reflecting back on the year, there are three things that helped me thrive during my first year as a med school wife.
- Weekly planning and communication
- Treat family, couple, and personal time differently
- Find your tribe and keep adding
WEEKLY PLANNING AND COMMUNICATION
We’ve done it most of our marriage, but when we started medical school it became crucial for us to stay on the same page.
Weekly Planning
Every Sunday evening after our daughter goes down for the night, we hold weekly planning. We have a white board with the days of the week on it and briefly walk through each day.
It’s color coded and everything because it helps me stay organized. Love my dry erase markers! We layout and plan Blade’s schedule, my schedule, date night, dinners, to dos, scripture study, and church responsibilities.
Weekly planning takes about 10 minutes and goes something like this…
- Me: What do you have Monday?
- Blade: I’m blocked out with class and studying 8-5 p.m. Though I have a lunch break at noon. I also have a meeting at 6:15, but should be back in time to help put Hazel down for the night.
- Me: I have the gym at 1 p.m. and I’m doing breakfast with friends that morning.
- Blade: I also have a quiz on Wednesday, so I need a little more time Monday and Tuesday night to study. (Meaning he will likely stay up later than I’m willing to those nights).
After writing down the general schedule, we plan meals by throwing out ideas for what we want to make for dinner each night and jot down any specific errands or chores that need to be done. We then try to switch off who plans date night (though we could improve on actually carrying that out).
These weekly plannings have helped us stay on the same page. I am aware of when he will need more time to study and around when he will be home. He in turn is aware of my schedule and needs with Hazel so he knows where he can help.
I’ve also learned that the times when he “should” be home are subject to change. Sometimes he’s home WAY early. Other times, he’s home WAY later. I just try to be flexible and not have expectations (so much easier said than done!).
Communication through Companionship Inventory
We end our weekly planning with what we call “companionship inventory.” It’s something we both learned and implemented with fellow missionaries while serving church service missions.
First, we share something we noticed the other person did well that week or something we were appreciative of that they did.
Second, we each give suggestions on areas we can work on and ask for specific things that will help the other person out.
For instance, this week Blade told me he was grateful that I’ve made studying a priority too. I encourage him to study and I don’t make him feel bad for having to take that extra time at night to do so. He then asked me if I could increase the encouraging texts. He is a total words of affirmation person.
Each week as we have consistently expressed love for each other and then kindly given constructive feedback, it has created an open space where needs can be expressed and addressed with no fear of judgement.
Companionship inventory also allows a safe space to share any concerns, frustrations, or hurt feelings.
We’ve had some serious talk about choosing a medical specialty and discussed the challenges of being away from family during the holidays.
The first Sunday before we started medical school, I remember during our companionship inventory that I expressed my concern that Hazel and I would be put on the back burner more often times than not because of the demands of medical school. I was scared of being lonely. I worried that our marriage would suffer, and as a result, our family would suffer too.
Blade thanked me for sharing my worries and then we made a plan and a commitment to come out of medical school stronger than when we started. During our first year, I don’t feel like we were put on the back burner. That’s in part because of Blade’s efforts to stay balanced and the shift in my attitude toward medical school.
Weekly planning and communication through companionship inventory is what has helped set us up for success during medical school.
TREAT FAMILY, COUPLE, AND PERSONAL TIME DIFFERENTLY
Because medical school is so demanding, family, couple, and personal time is sacred. We quickly found that the time we had together needed to be quality time.
Family Time
We often made goals during companionship inventory to put our phones away when we were together as a family. Some of my favorite memories are in our living room together on the floor laughing as we played with Hazel and Tucker or cooking dinner together while Hazel toddled around the house.
We made the effort to go to the zoo, explore Rochester, go on family walks to the park, and Blade even put up with all my requests for family pictures. Bless him! haha… Family time is sacred in medical school so make the most of it.
Couple Time
Every night after Hazel is asleep, we spend time together. We made couple scripture study and prayer a priority every night. I can definitely tell the difference this made for us. It grounded us amid the craziness and stress.
We also tried to make an effort to plan date nights. One date we went sledding with our med family. Another we stayed in and played board games.
Date nights are hard to carryout and often just don’t happen for one reason or another, but we at least had one date a month. Something we can improve on during second year!
Personal Time
Personal time was crucial for me during our first year. I tried to make the most of naps and when Blade was studying at night, but one of the best things I did for myself was to get a gym membership where there was childcare.
Having an hour to two to myself to exercise or even sit and write a blog post in the lobby made all the difference. I felt like I could come back home and be a more patient mom and a more supportive spouse.
FIND YOUR TRIBE AND KEEP ADDING
I’m not a very outgoing person. But when we moved away from all our family and friends, I knew I would need to stretch myself a bit if I was going to survive and not be a hermit.
Ann Marie over at The Surgeon Wife Life Blog talks about The Benefits of Besties and how crucial it is to find valuable friendships.
Luckily, I was blessed to meet some amazing women and fellow moms through church and Blade’s med school class. These women have become some of my good friends.
They or their husband’s either work for Mayo or are in similar demanding careers. Others are stay-at-home moms. It is really nice to be surrounded by people who get it. If it weren’t for four specific fellow mamas, I’m not sure I would have adjusted to Rochester so well. How grateful I am for our weekly breakfasts and knowing I can text or call them for anything at the drop of a hat.
I’ve also met quite a few fellow medical wives through Instagram. It’s been fun to connect with others who are on the medical journey and learn from those who are now in residency or officially done with training! I probably won’t meet many of them in person, but it’s an online community that I’m grateful to have found.
It’s important to keep adding to your tribe in different ways. My goal this year is to reach out to more of our neighbors, meet others through community events, and get to know more of Blade’s classmates.
ON TO SECOND YEAR
First year is in the books! Second year is all about organ blocks and the Reach Clinic (a free student-run clinic) where Blade and his fellow med students will work with patients one-on-one.
Organ blocks will go as follows:
- Neuroscience
- Psychiatry
- Cardiology
- Pulmonology
- Musculoskeletal
- Hematology
- Renal
- Urinary
- Endocrine
- Gynecology
- Gastroenterology
Here’s to our second year of medical school at the Mayo Clinic Alix School of Medicine and to all my fellow med school wives! Being a med school wife isn’t easy, but there is definitely ways to thrive on this medical journey!
This has been so helpful! My husband is still taking pre med classes, but I am trying to prepare now for the change.
I’m so glad you found this helpful Mariah! 🙂 And super smart that you are already preparing for what’s to come. I found the more I knew, the more I felt like we could do it. Plus, some things weren’t as big a surprise when we started med school.