UNMATCHED

We share our story so applicants who have gone unmatched or partially unmatched know they are not alone. This is our experience in the heat of the moment and written openly and vulnerably. We hope by sharing, other medical families will feel supported and part of a community as this topic is not discussed openly or often. If you have gone unmatched or partially unmatched, I highly suggest writing out your story. It is therapeutic and you will be able to look back in a year and see how far you’ve come!

This post was written and shared publicly at the end of the 2022 Match Week – March 22, 2022. However, shortly after, we decided to make it private and share only with those who we felt could benefit from it and close friends or family as we were planning to enter the Match in 2023.

We are happy to report that we have successfully Matched to our number one program choice! Mayo Clinic Jacksonville, FL – General Surgery. We couldn’t be more thrilled after a year of intense trials. The loneliness, the single parenting for 6 months, the countless away rotations, the sacrifice and hard work on all parts… WE MATCHED!!! AND WE ARE SO HAPPY!!!

So, if you are reading this and are unmatched or partially unmatched, I hope that you know that you will come out stronger from this. It will work out! I hope you find something that resonates with you from our experience. You are not alone.

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Unmatched. I’ve been trying for days to gather my thoughts and put together the insane whirlwind of events that happened this past week. If you’re shocked that we didn’t match, believe me. You’re not the only ones. And we definitely weren’t the only ones who didn’t match. About 8,474 applicants did NOT match to PGY-1 positions in the 2022 Match.

Shocked is just the beginning. Blindsided. Backstabbed. Anger. Calm. Sadness. Betrayed. Peace. Numb. These feelings are on repeat every day.

The night before we received the email that we didn’t match I stated on my Instagram stories that I started my blog and associated social media accounts to provide a genuine, transparent, and real view of the medical journey and what it is like to be married to a medical student. I would be doing myself and this community a big disservice if I did not share. This is part of the journey. Saying it’s hard is the understatement of the year. But ya know what? We’re going to be stronger because of it!

I’ve been pretty much off social media since last Monday to give myself time to grieve and process. But this week, I’ve heard hundreds of stories of current physicians and surgeons who did not match. We need to help normalize not matching. This is not a personal failure. Blade did not fail. We did not fail. The system failed us. If you didn’t match or participated in the SOAP, please know you didn’t fail and there is hope in the future!

This is our story.

Before you dive in, I highly suggest first understanding how the Match works. Our lives are pretty much decided by an algorithm. And there are cracks. If you don’t have a basic understanding of it, you really can’t quite appreciate our journey. Here’s an quick video of how the NRMP Match is supposed to work: How the NRMP Matching Algorithm Works.

MATCH WEEK BEGINS

If you know anything about the medical journey, you know it is grueling. There’s a reason physicians are exhausted, grumpy, and somewhat jaded to the world. It’s an extremely challenging journey and we’ve definitely faced some major challenges as a family throughout it.

Everything we’ve worked toward has led up to this point. The Match. It is one of the greatest milestones on this journey.

We didn’t sleep much Sunday night because of the excitement and nervousness of the impending Match email. Finally, Monday morning came. When 8am CST rolled around, we gather together on the couch. Easton in my lap, Hazel in Blade’s to await the email. When it came in, we both saw a flash of the email.

Blade looked at me. “We didn’t Match,” he said.

We opened it up and confirmed the horrible news. It felt like I was being hit with a semi truck of ice. My whole body was in shock. I thought something must of gone wrong in the system. This was a horrible an error. We got the wrong email. We must have.

Time and time again from every single advisor, we were told we would be fine and didn’t need a back up plan because we had a +95 percent chance of matching. Our app was considered very competitive. We felt confident in our application, rank list, and ability to match. And yet, here we were. Unmatched.

We quickly tried to gather ourselves. Blade headed to the med school while I fed the kids breakfast and arranged for their care so I could be with him. We are so grateful for our friends and neighbors who truly stepped in to help us during this chaotic time. After dropping Hazel off at preschool, I met Blade at the med school.

UNMATCHED SHOCK

For the past four years (more if you count undergrad) I have watched my husband put his heart and soul into his medical education. Blade has sacrificed so much.

He overcame two cancers while honoring every single clinical rotation. He honed his surgical skills in the OR and in the classroom while teaching other medical students. He exceeded expectations in the clinic when it comes to patient care and was often told he performs on the level of a second year resident. He had six publications to his name. He obtained great letters of recommendation, wrote a strong personal statement, secured high scores on his Step exams, and received high praise and feedback on his residency interviews. We corresponded and followed up with programs on our rank list, and got amazing feedback in return. He is an extremely competitive applicant.

He did everything right.

All while being a stellar husband and dad. He did everything right.

And yet, here I was in complete shock and sadness while I drove to meet and support him in our next steps on this insane journey.

TO SOAP OR NOT TO SOAP

When I walked in to the school, Blade was going over a list of open positions in Emergency Medicine with another medical student and an attending. We then proceeded to meet with the student affairs advisor to try and understand what happened. We were given little answers as no one understood why we didn’t match.

A group of several advisors helped us weigh our options. Every single one of them were floored that we didn’t match and agreed that we were blindsided.

If a medical student doesn’t match, they have a few options. Option one is the SOAP.

SOAP is an acronym for Supplemental Offer and Acceptance Program. It’s a give me and free to apply to. It is essentially going through the Match process in four short days. This year, students had one day to select programs to apply to, two days to interview if contacted by said program, and one day to accept or decline position offerings. Once declined, those offers will not come back.

The catch on this speed dating reality show? You only get to apply to programs that still have openings. So, you could have originally applied ENT and SOAP into an Emergency Medicine spot.

Option two is to take a gap year.

This looks different for every medical student as some schools offer a 5th year where you still hold student status and others just let you delay graduation to a set date later in the calendar year. Others simply graduate with their classmates and take a year to work, do research, or make cold calls to set up away rotations. Essentially, this 5th year/gap year is to build your application for the next year’s Match.

If we were to take a gap year, Mayo Clinic allows Blade to keep his student status. He could choose to pursue a Masters and/or do research and away rotations to become an even more competitive applicant.

We decided to pursue both options because we didn’t really have to make an official decision until Thursday the 17th, when positions from the SOAP would be offered.

We spent the day in a blur trying to process what happened and questioning why — all while researching programs, preparing his app, updating his personal statement, and asking for letters of recommendation. Two of Blade’s most trusted mentors in general surgery wrote him letters of recommendation. One stepped out of the OR to do so, another stepped out of a research conference he was attending. If that doesn’t speak to how highly they think of Blade I don’t know what will. How grateful I am for the team behind Blade who are willing to go to bat for him!

We decided to apply to 45 prelim general surgery positions since if he was extended an EM position he’d likely say no. Blade belongs in the OR.

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Prelim Positions: Hospital funded, this position is usually a year of training prior to entry into advanced specialty programs. A prelim is paid, but it could/couldn’t count toward your residency. Plus, you have to reapply for the Match. Most students who do a prelim year do so to gain exposure to a particular specialty (like ENT, Ortho, Gen Surg, Urology, Plastics, etc.) and then match into that specialty because of the connections and experience they gained during the prelim year.

Categorical Positions: Government funded, this position offers full residency training required for board certification in a particular specialty.

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By the time we got home it was 5pm. Shout-out to good friends who took care of our kids, sent us messages of encouragement, stayed by our sides, helped research potential programs, took Blade to the gun range, gave much needed hugs, listened, and brought us dinner over the next few days. They were angels amid a week of hell.

NO ANSWERS

Least to say, we didn’t sleep well that night. It was like getting Blade’s cancer diagnosis all over again.

Waves of anger and hurt continue to roll over us. We feel completely betrayed and didn’t know who we could trust any more. Before submitting our rank list and letter of intent (which you can only send one stating you’re ranking the program #1), we talked with mentors and emailed back and forth. We were told that we shouldn’t worry, our rank list was “perfect”, and we would match.

Blade spent an hour on the phone with the Dean. The Dean told us that it shouldn’t have happened to us. We should have matched. He apologized for what was happening to us, said they failed us, and made plans to help us match next year should we choose that route.

Advisor after advisor, surgeon after surgeon, who looked at Blade’s residency app could not see any red flags and said his app stands on his own. No one could explain what happened or why we fell off our rank list. We kept coming up dry for answers of why. We were given answers like…

This was the year everyone took their own… It was just the perfect storm… Gems like you just slip through sometimes… Politics… Ortho was just a really competitive Match this year… Sadly some programs probably passed you up because you were too good of an applicant thinking you wouldn’t want to come to their program and would choose someone else…

PULLING OUT OF THE SOAP

The following day it was pretty quiet across the nation for the SOAP. Waiting for calls while debating our other options was excruciating. We received a call from a program that we were really interested in, but still felt unsettled about taking a prelim year.

We continued to weigh the pros and cons. Blade spent hours on the phone with advisors, mentors, and current ortho friends. I listened, posed questions, and offered ideas. In the end, we just felt that a prelim year wasn’t for us. Too many cons and unknowns in our eyes. It wasn’t the right decision and wouldn’t get us to where we wanted and needed to be.

At that point we made the decision to pull out of the SOAP.

We had a great plan laid out to bolster his app and set him up for next years match. We were filled with peace and, surprisingly, excitement.

THE PLAN

The current plan (always due to change) is that we will be doing a 5th year and applying to ortho again. While Blade won’t be graduating this year, he does have some unique opportunities.

From May to September, he will be doing a mix of research, four to five away rotations in orthopedic surgery (each 4 weeks), and a general surgery sub-internship. Yay, for single parenting for about 16 weeks, give or take. We will submit our application for residency in September. Blade will then interview November-January.

From November-February, he will be under the tutelage of a few general surgeons who have been in his corner this whole time. He will do rotations with them to build relationships and improve his surgical skills. Who knows, maybe he’ll find another love within general surgery. This will allow him to come into intern year with a greater skill set. It will also allow him the freedom and flexibility in his schedule to take time off when needed to finish research, family stuff, interview, etc…

Once we made our decision, it was the first time that I saw Blade feel settled. He said that he feels calm about it and excited. We feel that this is the right path to take and are curious to see what the Lord has in store for us.

It is a really unique bubble of time for him to up his game in every way, but also have flexibility that medical school doesn’t allow. He won’t have any exams or requirements to meet. He basically gets to do what he wants, which is operate. Come March we will participate in the Match again and hope to secure a spot. It’s going to be an expensive year…

A HIGHER PURPOSE

Someone asked Blade what he is passionate about and he said, surgery and kids. So after residency, we definitely will be pursuing a surgery fellowship in peds. I truly feel that whichever field Blade ends up in, he is going to be a phenomenal surgeon. I am so excited to watch him grow into the physician that God needs him to be.

God sees something we can’t.

While I don’t understand why we have to go through this right now in this way, I can’t help but feel there is greater and higher purpose in this trial. God sees something we can’t. He has led us in the past to where we need to be and this isn’t any different. I am grateful for the peace I’ve felt amid this storm, glimmers of light here and there.

Monday night after we found out we didn’t match, I was trying to fall asleep so I turned on some General Conference talks from the leaders of our church. This talk by Donald L. Hallstrom, Turn to the Lord, happen to be the next on my playlist. It was as if God was speaking right to me.

No matter the size of the issue, how we respond can reset the course of our life.

The Prophet Joseph Smith provided a model in handling personal tragedy and opposition. Revealed to him while in the inhumane surroundings of the Liberty Jail was this divine direction (which, in part, was a description of Joseph’s life to that point and also a forewarning): If “fools shall have thee in derision, … if thou art called to pass through tribulation; … if thine enemies fall upon thee; … if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, … and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:1, 5–7). Then the profound statement: “The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” (verse 8). This is followed by clear direction and great promises. “Therefore, hold on thy way, and … fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever” (verse 9).

Over the ensuing years, Joseph Smith continued to righteously endure a life full of adversity. He offered this faith-filled perspective: “And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me. … Deep water is what I am wont to swim in. … I … glory in tribulation; for … God … [has] delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth” (D&C 127:2). Joseph’s confidence in overcoming constant opposition was based on his ability to continually turn to the Lord.

If you feel you have been wronged—by anyone (a family member, a friend, another member of the Church, a Church leader, a business associate) or by anything (the death of a loved one, health problems, a financial reversal, abuse, addictions)—deal with the matter directly and with all the strength you have. “Hold on thy way” (D&C 122:9); giving up is not an option. And, without delay, turn to the Lord. Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load. We are promised that we will “suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ” (Alma 31:38). Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually.

Donald L. Hallstrom, Turn to the Lord, April 2010

And so, we press forward in faith and with a plan.

ADMIRATION FOR THIS MAN

Before I end this long blog post, I have to applaud my husband.

March 18th was a really hard day. We did keep to our original plan and had dinner with a group of friends, which was helpful to boost our mood. I asked Blade if we should still go through with it and he said, we can either stay at home and be pissed or we can go and be with friends.

But, March 18th was the day we were supposed to find out where we would be going for residency. It was supposed to be a day of celebration. The day we start searching for a home to buy. The day we secure a physician’s loan. The day where all the hard work pays off.

Instead, it wasn’t.

But, Blade chose to go to the Match Day celebration to congratulate his classmates on their big day. A day that was supposed to be his big day too. He didn’t have to. But he did. He showed up, gave them hugs, and expressed his love. I am filled with admiration for this man I get to call my husband. He is full of integrity, kindness, selflessness, and humility.

NEXT YEAR’S MATCH

Nothing quite can capture what going through this is like unless you’ve been through it yourself. It’s years of hard work crushed infront of you. It’s unsubscribing from Zillow emails because it reminds you of another part of your life that has been put on hold. It’s doing everything you’ve been told and exceeding expectations only to be told you have to wait. It’s letting yourself grieve dreams and plans not yet filled.

If you are preparing for the Match in the coming years, trust your gut, don’t sell yourself to assurances from any programs, and make a back up plan. Remember the system, while it is good, it has cracks. There isn’t anyone to hold programs accountable for what they tell you and how they interview. But overall, rely on your people. Do not try to do this alone. If you’re in a relationship, try to communicate openly about how you’re feeling. Ask each other and tell each other what is on your heart and mind. BUT, give space for your med student to grieve, however that may look.

Match 2023, we’re coming for you.