HANDLING COMPETITION IN A RELATIONSHIP
*laughs* Riley and I are both competitive. In this process, though, we decided to compete “us against the situation” instead of “Sarah vs. Riley.”
The craziness of what we were trying to do was the opponent, and that was really uniting and helped keep the competition between us to a minimum. We also agreed to keep each other’s MCAT scores and such private; i.e. I wouldn’t share Riley’s stats at all without his permission, and vice versa. That helped us also stay united, focused, and respectful of each other and the stresses/emotions of applying.
Separate from applying to medical school, the competitive tensions run high. We enjoy it though—we push ourselves and each other to be our best, but we try to keep it playful and within limits.
Even as I am writing this, Riley came into the room to announce that he got one point higher than me on a non-graded online quiz we needed to take today, a good example of playful competition.
If one of us actually did poorly on an exam or assignment, however, the other would never rub that in; rather, we’re also very good at being each other’s number one advocate and supporter. We are the first to remind the other of strengths when feeling defeated. Something that helps unite us is being proud of each other’s successes, and sharing them with others. I take opportunities to brag about Riley, and he does the same about me.
Don’t be afraid to admit that marriage is hard and that you need help.
Around the time we were about to take the MCAT, we had some external challenges that significantly affected us individually and our relationship as a result. My parents helped get us into counseling to deal with that crisis. While we didn’t pursue therapy because of the application process stresses, it was very, very helpful as we went through that emotional turmoil together.
I’m really grateful we were able to learn to better communicate and be more aware of our own and each other’s feelings and needs. Now that we aren’t in therapy anymore, we still take dedicated time to sit down regularly and truly check in with each other. That has made a huge difference for us. We had a strong marriage before, but good, intentional communication made it even stronger.
