We are officially in year four of medical school! Today is Blade’s first day of his sub-internship in orthopedic surgery. I am blown away that we are 75 percent done with medical school! Well, probably more like 78 percent because Blade graduates in May 2022. Year one as a med school wife was probably more challenging than year two because of adjusting to a whole new lifestyle. But, year three as a med school wife just came with it’s own unique sets of challenges.
YEAR THREE RECAP
First year was all about the basics. Second year was taking that information and applying it to the organ systems. Third year was all about clinical rotations, gaining and mastering clinical skills, working on several research projects, and applying everything he has learned thus far. Oh, not to mention officially deciding on a specialty — orthopedic surgery, with the goal of doing a fellowship in peds ortho.
On the home front, our sweet E joined our family in a very unexpected way via emergency C-section. We spent Christmas in Arkansas with Blade’s family. I traveled to Utah twice by myself with two kids under three. While there we celebrated our daughters third birthday with grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins. She was in heaven! For myself, I decided to join Burn Boot Camp for my physical and mental wellbeing back in April 2021. Every other day I spent chasing around kids and our pup trying to stay sane with two very active kiddos.
One of the biggest challenges we faced this year however was Blade’s cancer diagnosis. Two cancer diagnoses actually. A T3B melanoma and papillary thyroid carcinoma. We will be sharing more of the cancer journey down the road, so stay tuned.
THREE THINGS I LEARNED DURING YEAR 3
Reflecting back over the year, there are three things I learned during my third year as a med school wife.
- Healing from Trauma and Pain
- Tap Out When You Can
- Take the Time to Take Care of You
HEALING FROM TRAUMA AND PAIN
This last year was a rough one on many accounts. But we learned that healing from trauma and pain is possible.
A year ago this month I had an emergency C-section. I wrote a blog post about my birth experience titled, 1 Out Of 1,000: Cord Prolapse Birth Trauma. I still occasionally have flashbacks. However, over time, I have found beauty in the trauma. The birth trauma I experienced has made me a stronger, more compassionate woman and mama.
We had two family deaths on Blade’s side. Both from cancer. Both very sudden. Gratefully, we got to say our goodbyes to Pops during Christmas before he passed. Blade was also able to go down to Arkansas to take care of and say his goodbyes to his Aunt Chrysti before she passed. We love and miss them.
This past April, Blade’s cancer diagnoses definitely threw us for a loop. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit us in the chest and a massive storm was looming over us. We spent many long nights talking about the what ifs, what thens, and what nows.
Our faith has been questioned and tested. I remember the many conversations we had about what it means to have the faith to be healed or not healed. We are stronger as individuals and as a couple because of cancer.
I’m so incredibly amazed by my husband and how he has handled the last few months with two cancer diagnoses, clinical rotations, among a host of other things. We’ve both learned a lot. We are so grateful for the prayers, fasting, messages, and service offered in our behalf during this crazy time. Don’t know what we’d do without our tribe.
TAP OUT WHEN YOU CAN
Tapping each other out in a marriage is so important. Especially in a medical marriage.
Tapping Out on the Home Front
Toddlerhood has somewhat wrecked me this year. There is nothing more I can think of that will show you just how impatient you are than figuring out how to parent a strong-willed toddler.
I LOVE my daughter fiercely and she loves her family just as fierce. She is going to truly be a force for good in the world. Hazel is smart, kind, determined, funny, and has a brilliant memory. She is also a toddler with a developing brain that screams at me when I don’t immediately respond, hits when her brother comes too close to her toys, and has a high pitched screams and whine over the smallest of things.
I have turned toddler too at times and screamed and lost my cool more than I care to admit. Daily I am pushed to my limits with her and it is exhausting. I’m sure the parents out there reading this are nodding their heads. Toddlerhood is just exhausting.
Toddlerhood while in medical school when your partner is gone the majority of the time, is extra hard. I can’t tap out and say, “It’s your turn” when I’m about to lose it. But, when I can tap out, I do.
There was a time this past year where Blade was pulling 90+ hours a week as an anatomy TA. So, I wasn’t getting any breaks. Add in the fact that COVID took away our gym and childcare time since March of 2020 so Hazel and Easton were stuck to my hip ALL day EVERY day. We needed a break from each other.
I shared my frustrations with Blade and so we made some adjustments to help me tap out when I could.
Blade started drawing a hot bath for me after the kids were down each night. It was so nice to soak in the tub and have some quiet time. He would also send me on “me dates” so I could tap out and get a break on Saturdays. It was nice to eat dinner while it was still hot and walk around Target by myself without being screamed at or crawled on. However, I often had a hard time figuring out what to do with myself. I still do. I don’t know what to do when I don’t have to be mom. So, this year, hopefully I’ll figure that out. Any hobby suggestions for me to pick up?
Tapping Out on the Med School Front
I also want to recognize the importance of your med spouse’s need to tap out. You don’t need me to tell you that medical school is stressful. The amount of information to learn, research needing to be done, exams to take, procedures needing to be learned, patients to prep for, presentations to make, and more… It’s a wonder how they do it all.
Your med student needs to take the time to tap out from medical school too. Encourage them and support them when they do. It will look different for everyone. For Blade, it’s his Jeep, guns, loading bullets and the gym. When Blade needs to clear his head, I usually find him in the basement perfecting his skills loading bullets. The last few Saturdays I have sent him out the door to go shooting at the range. He will be gone for 1.5-2 hours and comes back energized and more relaxed.
So, wherever you are at on the medical journey, whether you are at home or in the clinic, help your marriage and your partner out by tapping each other out when you can.
TAKE THE TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOU
Self-care can look like a lot of different things. This year Blade and I both discovered the importance of taking the time to take care of our physical health, thus taking care of our mental health.
Burn Boot Camp
With our go to gym at the Dan Abraham’s Healthy Living Center not opening up childcare (thank you COVID), I needed a different option. Working out at home just wasn’t cutting it for me. I needed something IN PERSON. So, I decided to try out a month Groupon deal for Burn Boot Camp. Turns out Burn was just what I needed!
I love the environment that they create. There is an energy there that can’t be matched. The other members and trainers are amazing. They push and cheer you on, and the trainers knew me by name!
In the first month I saw a major change in my muscle growth and endurance. Yes, I am cherry red and dripping sweat after each 45 minute camp, which I secretly love. And yes, the first month and a half I was sucking mask (thank you again COVID). AND…I had way more energy. I felt more purposeful. Plus, the child watch is free. Can’t complain about that!
When my month membership was close to expiring, I had to make a decision. Do I sign on for a longer term membership? Or find a different gym? I had originally just planned on doing the month and being done. The membership was way more than I normally want to pay. And with a medical school budget, I wasn’t sure I should.
My husband and friends encouraged me to just go for it. If it was working for me and I loved it, why not? I’m a pretty frugal person and I just couldn’t bring myself to take that step and sign on. But…
Then I realized that my health is an investment, not an expense.
When I take care of myself, I am a better mom and wife. I feel better, stronger, and happier. My health is NOT an expense. It IS an investment. So, I invested in me. I signed on for a year membership and I am so glad I did!
Plus, they were running a Mother’s Day sale so that just sweetened the deal and appeased my frugal side haha…
Wellness Check Ups
Blade was diagnosed with two different cancers this past spring of 2021 — melanoma and papillary thyroid carcinoma.
He shared the first piece of the story in a recent blog post, A Cancer Diagnosis During Medical School: Becoming the Patient. More to come on his cancer journey so stay tuned.
The reason we caught his cancers early was because Blade was on top of his yearly skin check and other wellness check ups. Had he dragged his feet about these appointments, we would be looking at much more serious outcomes and treatments.
Before the melanoma diagnosis, he had a yearly skin check since he has so many moles. He also communicated with his care team whenever he had a question or was worried about a particular mole or something else going on.
Now, he will meet with dermatology and get a PET scan every three months to stay on top of things. Why? Because his moles can go from 0-10 in a space of a month. So, he has to keep a close eye on it.
Long story short, because of his consistency with his skin checks, we caught the melanoma. Because we caught the melanoma, it led us to be able to catch the papillary thyroid carcinoma. I’ll let Blade tell that part of the story so keep an eye out for a blog post from him!
Lesson learned. Take the time to take care of you. It pays off in the long run. PS. If you have missed a big thing like a cancerous mole, I am no way insinuating that it was due to laziness or lack of effort on your part. There are so many things that grab our attention every day. What I am saying, is to make sure that some of our attention is focused in taking care of ourselves.
So, if you’re in the medical field here is your friendly reminder that YOUR HEALTH MATTERS TOO! If you’re in a relationship with someone in the medical field, take care of yourself because, man, this journey is tough. AND be that friendly nagging person who keeps reminding their med student or resident to make a doctor’s appointment of their own!
ON TO YEAR FOUR
First, second, and third year are in the books. Bring on the final year of medical school! Here is what’s next for us when it comes to clinical rotations…
- Sub-internship orthopedic surgery
- Away rotation in Charleston, SC – sub-internship orthopedic surgery
- Cardiology Internal Medicine – make up from surgery recovery
- Anatomy TA
- Laparoscopic Skills
- Neurology
- Vacation/Interview Time
- Emergency Medicine
- Match Day!
- Social Medicine
- Residency Bootcamp
- Science of Healthcare Delivery
- Pediatric Cardiology
- Graduation!
Here’s to our fourth year of medical school at the Mayo Clinic Alix School of Medicine!
More on the Med School Wife
PRACTICAL PRACTICES FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IN MEDICINE
