School Age

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault

Developmental Milestones for School Age Children

Physical Development

• Growth and maturation, sensation and perception
• Physical growth is slower than previous years
  • Girls and boys have about the same height and weight during this time.
• Brain is almost adult size
  • Becomes more efficient in its functioning
• Greater immunological resistance – better health with fewer infections and illness
• Puberty may begin as early as age 7 in some girls
• Nearly all the basic skills in the area of gross and fine motor skills are laid down by age seven, refining still occurs.
• Recent studies show that high levels of emotion may play a role in being able to focus on learning in school. Parents have the role of helping children regulate their feelings (fear, anxiety, impulsiveness, emotional arousal). (Brooks, 2013, p. 274)

Cognitive Development

By now, children have developed the theory mind and are continually growing and making connections. Below is a chart about preoperational and concrete-operational thought.

Educational Milestones

• Count to 20 by age 5
• Addition and subtraction at age 7-8
• Multiplication by age 9
• Early reading by age 6, chapter books by 8-9

Starting school is one of the biggest steps in a child’s life at this age. It is important to ask some questions to decide if your child is school ready.

• How can I tell if my child is ready?
• Talk to a preschool teacher or doctor
• Visit a kindergarten class
• Can your child follow instructions?
• Can your child sit still for short periods of time?
• Can your child put on a coat and go to the bathroom?
• Can your child recite the alphabet and count?
• Can your child hold a pencil and cut with scissors?
• Does your child show interest in books?
• Is your child curious about learning new things?
• Does your child get along well with other children?
• Can your child work together in a group?

Emotional and Social Development

Erickson’s model emphasizes during this age that a child is facing Industry vs. Inferiority. This is the child’s feeling of competence at this stage is the belief that he or she is capable (or not capable) and able to do meaningful tasks. Parents should help children develop a healthy self-concept by encouraging them – help them have a sense of belonging, a sense of worth, and a sense of competence.

Development of Self-Esteem: Focus on the process and coaching skills.

• Helping with math homework – just do not give the answers
• Provide & encourage long-term systematic instruction for skill development
• Do not hold up a standard that is unreachable at first, but break down the skill into achievable bite-sized pieces that children can succeed in and practice with some success.
• As children get discouraged, make sure that the demands of the situation are not overwhelming and help them keep working at it.
• Avoid over praising. Praise effort rather than performance
  • They received an A on a test, say “You must have studied so hard” vs “You are so smart.
  • They received an F on a test, say, “You must not have studied” vs “You are dumb.”
• With persistence, they will learn that they can accomplish their goals and that they will have a supportive family behind them.
• Provide a variety of activities that capitalize on children’s strengths
• Encourage children to explore their interests and zero in on the collection that will best meet the child’s needs, each child can find ways to develop competence and succeed.

Moral and Spiritual Development

Moral Development

When it comes to developing morality, work within child’s zone of proximal development. Allow and create opportunities to debate moral issues. This will help kids become better critical thinkers when it comes to moral reasoning. Parents can also reinforce, interpret, and guide children as to what is appropriate for behavior and family/societal values.

Aggression: Physical, emotional, or verbal harm to another. Aggression can be a problem during this age as children learn how to manage their emotions. There are two types of aggression.

Overt/Physical Hostile, bully or hurt just to be mean or to get something you want

Relational/Social Hurt to damage another’s peer relationships (friendships)

Spiritual Development

“When all is said and done, the home is the ideal forum for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.” – Tad R. Callister

Children reach the age of accountability during this stage. Cognitive advances allow children to know right from wrong. To help them grow spiritually, parents implement some of the following ideas:

• Focus on repentance and covenants
• ALWAYS answer questions
• Have discussions about spirituality
• Set more structures patterns
  • Scripture reading daily
  • Teach about tithing and fasting
    • Invite them to participate

To further teaching and fostering spiritual development, here are a few great talks about teaching the gospel to your children to refer to from General Conferences.

• Teach the Children by President Thomas S. Monson
• Family Counsels by Elder M. Russell Ballard
• Parents: the Prime Gospel Teachers of Their Children by Tad R. Callister
• Teaching our Children to Understand by Cheryl A. Esplin

Gender Differences

It is important for parents to remember that gender socialization will NOT impact your child’s gender identity or sexual orientation. We should allow our child to develop his or her own interests and divine gifts. I think it is especially important to allow both girls AND boys to express emotions. Too often we tell boys to rub some dirt in it, but then when it comes to expressing their feelings they struggle. We should especially allow our kids to express pain if they get hurt. Instead of telling them they’re ok, ask them calmly are you ok? (Walker, lecture 11).

“We need to learn and then teach each other take upon ourselves the Savior’s characteristics. If we are true to our natures as the Lord has outlined them for us, our basic masculinity and femininity will not come into question. We should all have both strength and sensitivity, courage and compassion, tenacity and tenderness. And as we best incorporate all those traits within our beings, we will be true to the male or female in us, which has been part of us since the beginning.” – Ida Smith

Boys Verbal Exchanges Are more likely to interrupt one another; Heckle or banter a speaker; Use commands, threats, or boasts of authority; Refuse to comply with another’s demands; Give information; Tell jokes or suspenseful stories; Top someone else’s story; Call another child names; Are assertive and more likely to simply tell their partners what to do.

Girls Verbal Exchanges Are more likely to express agreement; Pause to give another girl a chance to speak; When starting a speaking turn, acknowledge a point previously made by another speaker; Soften their directives to partners; Attempt to keep them involved in the process; Are more unassertive.

Concerns or Issues with School Age Children

1. Choosing the right school or learning environment for my child is really important to me. I want to find a school that is a good fit for my kids.
2. I am not a naturally aggressive person, but I think kids can learn aggression through other avenues at this age. I want to be able to teach my children about aggression and how to treat others respectfully and with empathy, even if you don’t agree.
3. I think one of the most important things to teach a child is morality. It is especially important to emphasize it at this age because they will be interacting with more people on a daily basis at school. If they have a good moral compass, we can trust them to govern themselves. Teaching morality should be a daily effort.

Addressing Concerns or Issues

1. There are a variety of options when it comes to schools – public schools, charter schools, private schools, and even home schooling is an option. It just depends on the fit for your child. A few things from lecture 11 to know about schooling options:

• Charter schools are independently run public schools of choice – meaning parents choose them
• Charter schools are free from some of the regulations of district schools
• Charter schools vary according to the charter, or school mission
• There are few differences in college acceptance and success as a function of public vs. private vs. charter
• Sometimes teachers in private schools are not required to have certification – more likely to have subject-area expertise
• Sometimes private schools have better teacher to student ratios

Home Schooling Pros Good option when academic options leave something to be desired May help increase parent-child relationship quality Some home schooling programs allow for interaction among those who home school In some cases allows for 1:1 education and faster movement toward graduation

Home Schooling Cons Minimal oversight of home schooling experience and curriculum When parental motivations are sheltering or controlling, outcomes may be negative Parents may not be qualified educators Parents need to make extra efforts to socialize

Personally, as of now, I still think I would rather just send my kids to a good public school. However, it depends where we end up. If we are in a bigger city, I probably would consider a private or charter school. Home schooling really isn’t for me. I probably will do preschool with them, but nothing further than that. There are some characteristics within schools that I want to look for, specifically Developmentally Appropriate Practice (DAP). I don’t think children should be learning with tons of worksheets, busy work, rote drills, instruction not based on where they are cognitively, standardized lectures etc. Here are some attributes of DAP:

• Matching curriculum with how it is believed young children think and learn
• Children construct knowledge in an active rather than a passive manner in the context of meaningful interactions with materials, peers, and adults
• A child-centered perspective: the child is the primary source of curriculum
• Children have some choices, can move around the room and actively explore a carefully crafted learning environment full of concrete, hands-on experiences
• Emphasizes the whole child and takes into account individual differences (gender, culture, disabilities)
• Curriculum is integrated and flexible
• Positive guidance is used
• Children need time to be children to play and explore

I really think though when it comes to education, the first place where my child will be educated is in the home. The environment found in our home needs to be warm, inviting, encouraging, and learning directed. My parents did a wonderful job helping me learn and become a critical thinker as we had conversations in the home and they pushed me to explore and ask questions. As I develop a greater knowledge of child development and parenting, I can better understand my children, their needs, and their strengths. In class we learned that parent training is linked to increases in parent-child interactions, positive family affect, increased parental confidence and competence, and ultimately, happy, well-rounded, socially competent and academically able children.

I think this quote says it well from Dr. Walker’s lecture on elementary children:

“. . . the informal education that the family provides for their children makes more of an impact on a child’s total education than the formal education system.  If a family does its job well, the professional can then provide effective training.  If not, there may be little a professional can do to save a child from mediocrity”  (White, 1990). 

2. Aggression is something that parents need to be aware of and something that they need to teach early and consistently. Much of the teaching is through your own actions as a parent. According to Brooks (2013), there can be physical aggression, verbal aggression, and relational aggression. Boys tend to be more physically and verbally aggressive (hitting, humiliating others), while girls are more relational aggressive (spreading rumors, refusing to be friends etc) (p. 292). Here is a list of things a parent can do to combat aggression from lecture and reading:

• In younger children, ignore aggressive behavior that is attention seeking
• Teaching children that aggression does NOT get them what they want
• Teach/show principles of kindness to children at an early age
• Set the example by not “saying demeaning things” about others
• Do not turn a cold shoulder or stop talking to your child when he/she does something that upsets you
  • When you are ready to be nice, come talk to me. NOT I’m not talking to you because you were being rude.
• Teach and model empathy understanding in young children
• Teach children the importance of including everyone in their activities
• Be able to “forgive and forget and move on”
• Monitor and guide children’s behavior from a distance
• Empathize with the child’s problem
• Calmly gather information so parent and child can define the problem and understand its source of the difficulty
• Carry out collaborative problem solving with the child to prevent the problem in the future.

3. Parents can reinforce, interpret, and guide children as to what is appropriate for behavior and family/societal values to help teach them morality. Here are a few examples from lecture that we discussed to help children think outside the box:

Parents should positively reinforce children for good behavior

• “I like how you remembered to share your toy with your brother/sister/friend!”
• Parents should not focus too much on the verbal behaviors of their children, but on their actions

Parents should act as interpreters of family and societal values (Contextualize)

• “If you share your toy with your friend it will make her happy and she will stay and want to play with you!”

Parents should serve as guides in informing children about what is or is not appropriate

• “OK you are upset that your sister ate your candy bar, but you may not hit her – ask her to buy you another one!”

According to Brooks (2013), religious participation provides ample opportunity to discuss moral principles and apply it to everyday life. Emmy Werner and Ruth Smith studied those who were in hard family circumstances, but turned out to be successful adults. The discovered that faith was a common factor (p. 304). Because children begin to explore moral and ethical issues and are exposed to many different people during this point in their life, it is important that parents help their children develop morals. Religion is the perfect stage for this (p. 303).

Reference unless otherwise sited/linked:

• Walker, L. Class lecture 11: Elementary Children, School of Family Life 240: Parent Child Guidance, Winter 2017