Infants and Toddlers

“And she loved a little boy very very much, even more than she loved herself.” – Shel Silverstein

Below are key developmental milestones for infant and toddlers, concerns or issues relevant for this age group, and how we plan to address these as a couple.

Developmental Milestones for Infant and Toddlers

Physical Development

Vision, Smell, Hearing, and More

• A baby’s vision is blurred, but they can make out light, shapes, movement 8-15 in. away from their face.
• By 1-2 months old, a baby can focus both eyes and track movement.
• By 8 months old, a baby can see like adult.
• By 4 days, breast-fed babies prefer the smell of their own mother’s breast to that of an unfamiliar lactating mother.
• Turns the head to sound, prefer motherese at three days old.
• Loose ability to hear certain sounds which makes developing multiple languages easier by the first year.
• Clinging, Walking Reflex is gone in a few weeks.
• Rooting, Sucking Reflex as a newborn.

Gross Motor

• Be patient and don’t stress if your child is late or early when they do something.

Fine Motor

• Reach for something by 4 months old.
• Reach and grasp by 6 months old.
• Pincer grasp by 10 months old.
• Hold a spoon by 1 year old.

Cognitive Development

According to Piaget and Vygostky, babies learn by doing, observing, and interacting with others. We should strive to think about why they are doing things. In the end, they are just trying to learn. By providing babies and toddlers with opportunities to learn, explore, talk, and interact with the world around them, we can help their cognitive development expand. Below is a chart of generally when children hit milestones in their their speech and language development.

Emotional Development

Infants and toddlers begin to develop an attachment with their parent early. Attachment is an emotional or affectional bond that ties or binds the child to the parent. Parents serve as a source of security and confidence for exploring the world and developing a sense of self. There are a few attachment-related fears:

Stranger Anxiety (peaks at  8-10 months)

• A wary or fretful reaction that infants and toddlers often display when approached by an unfamiliar person

Separation Anxiety (peaks at  14-18 months)

• A wary or fretful reaction that infants and toddlers often display when separated from the person(s) to whom they are attached

Crying is often how an infant tries to communicate. We need to be able to figure out what our child actually needs. Especially when they are babies, 6-8 months old, respond promptly because this is when they are learning to trust you. (See Erickson’s model above.) There are Four Types of Crying:

1. Basic Cry: a rhythmic pattern of a cry – a brief silence – a short inspiratory whistle that is higher pitched – a brief rest  (hunger, uncomfortable)

2. Anger Cry: more intense/unpleasant than the basic cry – more excess air forced through the vocal cords

3. Pain Cry: a sudden very intense/unpleasant cry without preliminary moaning – a long initial cry followed by an extended period of breath holding (most parents can interpret this cry)

4. Attention Cry: develops later, insincere, manipulative, varies in intensity depending upon attention receiving

Social Development

Temperament is the innate behavior style of an individual that seems to be biologically determined. Don’t label a child so you don’t think of them in a negative light. Thomas and Chess studied temperaments among children and developed temperamental profiles.

• Easy (40% of children) – even tempered; positive mood; open to new experiences; predictable habits
• Difficult (10% of children) – active; irritable; irregular habits; react vigorously to changes and slow to adapt to new situations
• Slow-to-warm-up (15% of children) – inactive; somewhat moody; slow to adapt to new persons/situations; milder responses to novelty than difficult children

Spiritual and Moral Development

Just a few thoughts to remember about spiritual and moral development. At this age, your child is likely going to use social referencing by guiding their behavior based on emotional cues from those around them. So their emotions will often match the emotional state of those around them, even if they aren’t actively involved in the situation. Spiritually, strive to begin to foster it, but don’t force it. Make it a part of their lives. Overall, don’t expect too much of your child, but begin to set patterns.

Sleeping Safely 

• Back-to-Sleep: Infants should sleep on their backs. Generally, they can’t roll til 3 months, so just keep things away from their heads.
• A firm crib mattress, covered by a tight-fitting sheet, should be used in a safety-approved crib.
• There should be no bedding; loose and soft bedding and soft toys in the crib can contribute to suffocation.
• Swaddling infants older than 2 months for sleep is not recommended because it increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.
• One-piece clothing for sleeping is recommended, depending on the temperature.
• Be aware of the room temperature. Hot is worse than cold.
• Infants should not sleep in a car seat or bouncy seat. If an infant falls asleep in a car safety seat, remove the child immediately upon arrival.
• Avoid baby necklaces, bibs, etc that could cause strangulation.
• Only one child per crib – no crib sharing.
• Infants should not sleep in adult beds.
• Pacifiers may be used, but consult the safety protocols.
• Infants should be observed by sight or sound at all times.

A Note on Pacifiers

Wait the first few days/weeks to make sure baby is latching on to nipple adequately so as not to confuse. Be sure they are eating well before you introduce a pacifier. Take the pacifier away around 9-12 months. Don’t just make it “disappear,” that can be traumatic for a child. In my opinion, pacifiers are much better than a thumb.

Pros: Reduces chances of SIDS Helps meet need to suck (gives mom a break) Helps teach to self-sooth

Cons: Higher risk for ear infections (up to 2x) After age two, it can negatively impact teeth that won’t reverse itself (usually reverses in 6 months) By age four, may have lasting impact on adult teeth

A Note on Food and Food Allergies

Introduce solid foods at 4-6 months. Talk with your pediatrician first. Some mothers breastfeed exclusively for the 1st year (AAP recommendation).

• 77 percent of mom’s start breastfeeding – 36 percent still by 6 months
• Strategy to detect allergies if have a family history of allergies:
  • Infant cereal (rice fortified with iron) first
  • Fruit juices (avoid citrus juices – apple first)
    • Limit fruit juice
    • Give them water!
  • Still supplement with breast milk
• If no history of food allergies:
  • Blend and grind own food
  • After 6 months infants can eat what you eat

Food allergies can cause problems ranging from eczema to life-threatening allergic reactions (6% of babies). The good news is that food allergies are often outgrown during early childhood. It is estimated that 80 percent to 90 percent of egg, milk, wheat, and soy allergies go away by age 5 years. Some allergies are more persistent.

Symptoms of food allergies: Stomach symptoms Nausea Vomiting Diarrhea Circulation symptoms Pale skin Light-headedness Loss of consciousness

Foods that can cause food allergies: Cow milk Eggs Peanuts Soy Wheat Nuts from trees (such as walnuts, pistachios, pecans, cashews) Fish (such as tuna, salmon, cod) Shellfish (such as shrimp, lobster)

Concerns or Issues with Infants and Toddlers

1. My husband has expressed multiple times how in his family the kids seem to develop slower in the language and communication department. I have a few nephews or nieces that also struggle in communicating. I want to try and help my kids develop those skills as much as I can.
2. I have a fear of having a baby that cries a lot or having a difficult child. I don’t know how I will handle it if that is the case because I haven’t really grown up around babies.
3. Getting to a point where my child can sleep on their own throughout the night is definitely an issue that will have to be faced.

Addressing Concerns or Issues

1. There are many things I can do to help my children develop their communication and language skills. I am a big proponent for reading. My parents read to me all the time. It not only helped me learn, but I cherish those moments with my mom and dad. Overall, I think my husband and I just need to be consistent and patient. Here are just a few ideas to implement with my kids in the future:

2. First off, I think that it’s important to remember that some babies will cry more than others. Dr. Walker offered a few suggestions when dealing with a baby that cries often.

• First responders – diapers, hungry, sleepy
• Second responders – Stay calm! Try some of the following:
  • Rocking
  • Walking
  • Sit them on the dryer running
  • Drive around
  • Singing/playing music
  • Vacuum
  • Last attempts – place baby in safe place and walk away!

When it comes to dealing with a difficult child temperament wise, sometimes it is crucial to recognize if your own temperament clashes with the child’s. If there isn’t a good fit, the other parent can step in and help the other by taking on responsibility when it comes to disciplining. Couples should work together as a team in assisting and moderating each other in the parenting endeavor (Walker, lecture 9). Overall, I think the best advice is that last bullet point. Place the baby or toddler in a safe place and walk away. It is ok to do that so you don’t loose your cool with your child. I love this quote by Elder Robbins. I think it will serve as a reminder for me to focus on the bigger picture and what I can learn from my children. He states:

“Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving [of a child who tests your patience], you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become Godlike yourself.”

3. There are a few things that parents can do to help get their little one to sleep on their own. Sleep training is a controversial issues, but many parents swear by it. If you are patient and push through a few hard nights, you can teach your child how to self-sooth themselves when they wake up in the middle of the night.  Here are articles about the positives and negatives of sleep training:

• Sleep Training – Positive
• Sleep Training – Negative

The Baby Center also has some great suggestions and tips to help you prepare for sleep training here. It also provides various sleep training options or methods that parents can use. Dr. Walker also suggested to put the baby to bed drowsy and to wait a few minutes when they are fussy so they can learn to sooth themselves. If you can establish a predictable routine that is calming, you will likely have a smoother transition in helping your kids sleep on their own. Examples of things to include in a routine could be: bath time, reading, singing a song before bed etc. (Walker, lecture 9).

Reference unless otherwise sited/linked:

• Walker, L. Class lecture 9: Birth to Two, School of Family Life 240: Parent Child Guidance, Winter 2017